I've seen the horror.
horror's that you've seen

but you have no right to call me a murderer,
you have a right a kill me
You have a right to do that,
but you have no right to judge me.


Its impossible for words
to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means...
horror..
horror has a face,

and you must make a friend of horror

horror and moral terror are your friends, if they are not,
then they are moral enemies to be feared

they are truly enemies.

I remember when I was with special forces
seems a thousand centuries ago
we went into a camp to inoculate the children,
we left the camp

after we had inoculated the children from polio
and this old man came running after us, he was crying
he couldn't say...

we went back there, and they had come
and hacked off every inoculated arm.
there they were in a pile.
a pile of little arms
and i remember...
i... i.. i cried, i wept like.....some grandmother

i wanted to tear my teeth out, i didn't know what i wanted to do

and i want to remember it, i never want to forget it. ..i never want to forget.
and then i realized, like i was shot
like i was shot with a diamond
a diamond bullet right though my forehead

and i thought, my god, the genius of that

the genius, the will to do that
perfect, genuine, complete, crystal, pure..
then i realized
they were stronger than we because they could stand up,..
that these were not monsters, these were men. trained contras
these men who fought with their hearts
who have families, who have children, who are filled with love
but they had the strength. the strength. to do that.
if i had ten divisions of those men,
then our troubles here would be over very quickly.

you have to have men who are moral, and at the same time, who are able to
utilize their primortal instincts to kill.
without feeling, without passion, without judgement
because its judgement that defeats us

I worry that my son, might not understand what I've tried to be
and if I were to be killed, and willard, I would like someone to go to my home and tell my son everything
everything I did; everything you saw, because there's nothing that i detest more than the stench of lies
and if you understand me willard
you will do this for me.

Watch me research and free associate

It has recently been offered to me to help build a moving set for a music performance. I am very excited at the possibilities.
The stalagmites definately helped me with that one. To my right this very moment I see them, peeking into my peripheral. Bulbous yellow gold, hiding under a shelf of papers and books.

I also have been considering that group performance. I think each of us should build a quarter of a room, and perhaps have a live drummer in the center of the space. All the space's aesthetics could collide in the center, and each of us do a monologue at one point or another. Possibly in class. Possibly all at the same time, maybe one after another, or maybe one each day for four consecutive days. who knows yet. but I like this possibility as a beginning point.

I should state that this platform would be perfect for the idea I've been interested in lately.
(See Post Below)

-perhaps I could use more of an obviously religious tone. Still the cleanliness, but bizarre nonetheless.

Speaking of which, shout out to J. Danos for showing me this here lady:

Melissa Pokorny makes some very nice things. I like their cleanlisness and use with architecture,
er architectural elements at least.

Giving me ideas for sure.


















Bauhaus also has me goin crazy for architectural elements, and I could consider their use within my larger spectrum of work.

>>>maybe on the moving set>>>

Performance/idea roaming

The Monologue of Colonel Kurt from Apocalpse Now within a completely different environment.

Thinking maybe very clean/ sterile/ proper/ religious


picture one of the richest men in america's wife serving you coffee or tea and telling you of the horrors.

A little political-

-but I want that.

Werd Lists

After talking to Stacey Levy. I find myself questioning my research methods.
I really do need to let myself take more time breathing in the research. Letting it settle. Resonate.
But I still have all these random images that I love to look at. Most of them. I don't know where they came from,
but I think about them and how they relate to my work, not outloud... yet





Attraction.
silver shining.
mask.
james dean from the future.
=this definition of coolness.

(self-centered/self-conscious)



look at this. This hairy beast that roams through the nightshot.
Is it a setup? Can we really trust photographs anymore? not.
Cryptozoological beasts excite me.



Cold sore.
Not familiar.
growth.
natural.
disgusting closeup.
parasite.
Viral.
fleshy.
blood.
cell death.




closer.
look closer.
look very close.
can you see the shrine that hides within?
the purity of this scene. . seems untouched by man.. until
you see the artificial shapes.
quiet.
unassuming.
religious.
visceral.



The hair on these.
gorgeous.
singular, yet in mass.
embarrassment of natural.
growth.
human non-verbal communication.





terrifying.
father.
school portrait.
facelift?



mystery.
rite of passage.
trance.
other worldly.




falcon.
death.
life from death.
beauty.

some little pictures for a little installation

here are some images of a few of the items I created for my personal project.
They're dark. I need to take a lighting class, but perhaps the foreboding-ness of the lighting is fitting.

I'M NOT THERE

Bob Dylan's un-biography portrait

saw this last night. It was amazing.
No better way to explain a mulit-faceted person with a story that shows each facet separately.

Todd Haynes has mixed up different parts of Dylan's life and personality, and defined them with different names.

I don't think its that reachable for non-Dylan fans, but totally worth the 135 minutes.

I was on the edge of my seat, laughed, cried.

And Cate Blanchett playing Dylan was dead on amazing.

Comes out Nov. 21st.

Marcus Young

Monday, I went on a walk with Marcus Young.

He gave me some good advice.

Go to where your fear is.

be careful on this journey, but do not be afraid to go.
If you are afaid, it is because you don't know,
and that learning what you don't know can be enriching to you and others.

thats what art should be.
thats what makes things interesting.

thats what growing as a person is all about.

A dull moment

I've been attending performance art, significant film screening, and worldly music events.

And you know what?

I haven't blogged about it one bit.
but thats all about to change.

So I went to this Faustin Linyekula and Les Studios Kabako performance thursday.
It was a group of performance artists from Zaire, er.. congo. er ?

As I learned during this performance, Congo used to be Zaire, used to be a lot of different things and has gone through many many terrible leaders, a ton of violent civil war.

The state of this nation has never been clear. It has never been positive.
But this performance tells us of a coping mechanism.

Happiness, or at least being positive and going on with life despite of the hardships that may come your way.

It was great. There were the most amazing dance moves ever. total control of each muscle.
Stories, analogies, printed flyers passed out, food, drinks. Live band. the air was magical.
seriously. The dancing with the florencent lights was intense. The anger and the love that they could portray.
They blocked eachother off with them, held them as stakes, chanted in a circle and handed them off as reigns.

They also stripped eachother down. Which was aggressive, and seemed to stand for the strife between similar men within their country. But still, Faustin, whom was only about 5'4", had the most defined muscles I've even seen in my life. Each and every muscle could be seen perfectly.

I've never seen a better figure model if I do say so.