I've seen the horror.
horror's that you've seen

but you have no right to call me a murderer,
you have a right a kill me
You have a right to do that,
but you have no right to judge me.


Its impossible for words
to describe what is necessary to those who do not know what horror means...
horror..
horror has a face,

and you must make a friend of horror

horror and moral terror are your friends, if they are not,
then they are moral enemies to be feared

they are truly enemies.

I remember when I was with special forces
seems a thousand centuries ago
we went into a camp to inoculate the children,
we left the camp

after we had inoculated the children from polio
and this old man came running after us, he was crying
he couldn't say...

we went back there, and they had come
and hacked off every inoculated arm.
there they were in a pile.
a pile of little arms
and i remember...
i... i.. i cried, i wept like.....some grandmother

i wanted to tear my teeth out, i didn't know what i wanted to do

and i want to remember it, i never want to forget it. ..i never want to forget.
and then i realized, like i was shot
like i was shot with a diamond
a diamond bullet right though my forehead

and i thought, my god, the genius of that

the genius, the will to do that
perfect, genuine, complete, crystal, pure..
then i realized
they were stronger than we because they could stand up,..
that these were not monsters, these were men. trained contras
these men who fought with their hearts
who have families, who have children, who are filled with love
but they had the strength. the strength. to do that.
if i had ten divisions of those men,
then our troubles here would be over very quickly.

you have to have men who are moral, and at the same time, who are able to
utilize their primortal instincts to kill.
without feeling, without passion, without judgement
because its judgement that defeats us

I worry that my son, might not understand what I've tried to be
and if I were to be killed, and willard, I would like someone to go to my home and tell my son everything
everything I did; everything you saw, because there's nothing that i detest more than the stench of lies
and if you understand me willard
you will do this for me.